My baseline anxiety level has been pretty high lately, and one of the ways this has been manifesting itself is in the desire for technological clean slates. And so here we are. I’m certainly not deleting my archives, they can be found here, but I just to take a little step away. I’ve also been importing email archives from various accounts and deleting and sorting thousands of emails and getting them all into one place: sid at sidbranca dot com. It’s a weird process. For several months I was occupied by going through boxes of physical paper scraps while moving back and forth across the country. And then I ran out of boxes, but that drive remained.
Really, what I wish I could go through is that hotmail account I had in high school. I lost my virginity during the days of that hotmail account. That hotmail account got me through two long-distance relationships. There were some beautiful emails of advice from a dear cousin, and strange mediated friendships lived there. And then when I got to college, I stopped using it. I didn’t log in for the requisite time that I knew nothing about, and one day I realized it was all gone. I cried. But anyway.
These email archives document my progression from abusive relationship to abusive relationship, and from failed artistic project to failed artistic project. I suppose that’s sort of depressing. But there are little markers of progress along the way. I handle things a little better, I get a little more done. I keep it together a little more of the time.
I’ve been so antsy the past few days in part because I am just ready to be busy again. I’ve felt like such a bum for so long, since March, since January really, and this much time on my hands makes me tired. I start my 9 to 5 next week, and have a number of artistic projects on the horizon. Things will be improving soon. Oh, right, and I need to find a place to live come September.